DTM's Philosophy

“Everybody talks about the pressure of playing Wimbledon, but it’s not the people watching, they make it so much easier to play. The support has been incredible, so thank you.” - Great Britain’s Andy Murray, upon his defeat to Roger Federer in Gentleman’s Singles at Wimbledon.

I felt like Andy did this morning after I heard I didn’t get the job. Telling my supporters played out just like the scenes during Murray’s speech in my mind. Thank you everyone.

They Mean to Win Wimbledon: The master plan of the blancmanges from Skyron in the galaxy of Andromeda.

1. Invade Earth, specifically England
2. Turn all Englishmen into Scotsmen with an invisible beam
3. Order 40 million, billion kilts from a tailor named Angus Pudgorny
4. Eat Angus’ wife, Mary
5. Practice playing tennis near All-England Club
6. Eliminate strong competition (turning someone into a Scotsman instantly makes them a poor tennis player since Scotland is the world’s worst tennis playing nation)
7. WIN WIMBLEDON

It makes me wonder what diabolical lengths invaders would go to in order to win a major sporting event. If the blancmanges were meaning to win the World Cup, I think they would use the invisible ray to turn the best teams into their worst incarnation. The French would call a player strike, the Dutch would collapse due to infighting and abandon Total Football, the Brazilians would lack flair, the Spanish would turn into something before 2008 and fail to bury regional grudges, and every game featuring England would go to penalties.